他的生日

星期六是他生日。中午先去蘭芳園吃飯。



一直覺得蘭芳園的奶茶最好。茶香，不苦澀，奶和茶的比重恰到好處 - 喝的時侯完全分不開奶味和茶味，既熟悉，又陌生，叫人迷惑。



吃麵的時侯店裡播愛的逃兵。記得第一個男朋友曾說過喜歡這首歌。我對這首歌沒有什麼共鳴 – 未做過逃兵，自然不知道做逃兵的感覺。



看電影前去了商務印書局。翻過有關中風、四季養生、政治經濟的書。對劉以鬯《不是詩的詩》有點興趣，不過未及細看，已經要走了。



經過兩年前上班的大廈。大部分地方都翻新了，跟回憶中很不一樣。不過回憶的世界和現實世界，本來就不一樣，也只會越來越不一樣..........



之後看 The Chronicles of Narnia Voyage of the Dawn Treader。對這套電影從來稱不上喜歡。不知是否座位買得前的關係，有些3D效果竟然令我差點忘了自己在看戲。有人說過這套電影有宣揚基督教的成分。不過我覺得不明顯 - 至少他看的時侯沒有反感。況且，面對自己內心黑喑，迷失自我等題材也不是基督教獨有。



晚飯吃日式放題。隨後去HMV，買了Blade Runner。算是開心的一天。

Just for my own record

Col Needham's Best Of 2010:

http://www.imdb.com/list/dsiQRcUZMqo/





Keith Simanton's Best Of 2010:

http://www.imdb.com/list/8FO23vuJY58/

長假期後遺症

累。渴睡。頭暈。心散。滯。嘔心。不想說話。不想見人。

忘

23 Dec 2008, 21 Dec 2008..........



有些細節已不太記得了。



再看，有點一頭霧水。

是我忘記了，還是我根本從來沒有問過?

朋友的女兒

「聖經故事裡面，東方三博士係........」



「陳老師! 黃老師! 彭老師! 」







「如果你今次唱歌比賽得獎，你會多謝邊一個？」



「我會多謝 Paco 同 Manley。」

我們都寂寞

<聖誕結>



作詞：何啟弘　

作曲：李峻一　

編曲：Terry Chang





我住的城巿從不下雪

記憶卻堆滿冷的感覺

思念的旺季　霓虹掃過喧嘩的街

把快樂趕得好遠



*落單的戀人最怕過節

只能獨自慶祝盡量喝醉

我愛過的人　沒有一個留在身邊

寂寞它陪我過夜



#Merry Merry Christmas

Lonely Lonely Christmas

想祝福不知該給誰

愛被我們打了死結



Lonely Lonely Christmas

Merry Merry Christmas



寫了卡片能寄給誰

心碎的像街上的紙屑



Repeat * #



電話不接　不要被人　發現我整夜都關在房間

狂歡的笑聲　聽來像哀悼的音樂

眼眶的淚　溫熱凍結　望著電視裡的無聊節目

癱在沙發上　變成沒知覺的植物



Repeat　# #



誰來陪我過這聖誕節

To: Somebody

Bought this card long long time ago. I was at the age of 14 or 15 back then.

For many reasons, I didn't send it out to anyone. Just kept it with other Christmas cards people sent me. And I found that I have 4 or 5 blank cards like these.

Anyway........

How's the weather at your side? Hope you are happy and warm.

Lastly.......and that's the most important thing i want to say......

I love you, and thanks for everything.

Merry Christmas.

You belong with me

peter: he lied to me. he told me i could heal the problems of this world. my father told me that all the problems out there started when walter came over and stole me, and that now that i was back i was gonna be able to help to fix it, but his bringing me back was never about fixing this universe, it was about destroying yours.



olivia: i'm sorry.



peter: how long did you know?



olivia: for a few weeks. peter i -



peter: don't worry. i'm not gonna let them do this.



olivia: i don't think that he can, i mean... not without you. peter... you don't belong here.



peter: no, i don't belong here. but i don't belong there either.



olivia: yes, you do. i've thought of a hundred reasons why you should come back, to... to fight the shapeshifters, to... take care of walter, to... save the world. but in the end, you have to come back, because you belong with me.





http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHMhx4QDNVU&feature=player_embedded

生活

現在我大概知道我的時間花在哪裡了。



下班後會做的事，可以做的事，來來去去差不多。



都是一些瑣碎、不會叫人愉快、也不會叫人傷心的事。



難怪想不起來，記不住。

真相

如無記錯，這應該是電影 Mother & Child 裡的對白........



“You always tell the truth?”

“Truth is easier to remember.”



最近試著不說謊。



除了因為某程度上說謊是一種罪之外，也想知道，或者說，測試對人及對自己完全誠實的可行性。



只是，要把真相說出來而又不令人難受，難度比直接說謊高很多。除非，你是一個完全不理會別人感受的人........



但自己的感受呢？



有些真相，甚至連自己也無法接受。

星期五晚.........

19:30 離開公司



19:45 去圖書館



20:00 逛商場



20:15上巴士



20:45 下車, 想買冷帽, 但最後只買了朱古力芝士蛋糕



21:00 回家, 執屋, 洗澡, 塗面霜, 飲湯, 吃朱古力芝士蛋糕



22:00 看Breaking & Entering. 沒有心機看下去.



22:45 因父母都有骨痛問題, 看了一本關於拉筋拍打的書, 練了一陣, 一敗塗地



23:15 刷牙, 搽潤膚露, 睡覺

星期四晚.........

19:45 離開公司



20:00 上巴士



21:00 洗澡



21:20 吹頭, 塗面霜, 飲湯, 看電視, 看雜誌



22:45 刷牙, 搽潤膚露



23:00 睡覺

原來.........



如果.........



唉。

夢醒時分

My ipod played this song this morning. I was sleeping, then kind of wake up.



Once i told him that i want to use 林憶蓮's早晨 to be my alarm clock music.



Now i think this one might be better.



Yeah, time to wake up.









作詞：李宗盛　作曲：李宗盛　編曲：李正帆





你說你愛了不該愛的人　你的心中滿是傷痕

你說你犯了不該犯的錯　心中滿是悔恨

你說你嚐盡了生活的苦　找不到可以相信的人

你說你感到萬分沮喪　甚至開始懷疑人生



早知道傷心總是難免的　你又何苦一往情深

因為愛情總是難捨難分　何必在意那一點點溫存

要知道傷心總是難免的　在每一個夢醒時分

有些事情你現在不必問　有些人你永遠不必等

星期三晚.......

18:15 離開公司



18:30 上巴士



19:00 下車, 跟弟弟去醫院探父親



19:50 離開醫院, 陪弟弟買麵, 回媽媽家



20:45 離開媽媽家, 逛商場, 買了件毛衣



21:15 回家, 將洗乾淨的衣服收好, 掃地, 洗澡



22:00 塗面霜, 晚餐



22:30 看雜誌, 整理手袋



23:15 刷牙, 搽潤膚露, 睡覺

星期二晚.......

18:00 一個人晚飯, 見時間尚早, 忍不住吃了碗燉奶



20:00 上小巴



20:45 洗澡



21:20 吹頭, 塗面霜, 剪指甲, 吸塵, 看電視



22:30 把甩了的鈕扣釘好



22:45 聽丈夫發牢騷, 上網, 寫blog



23:30 刷牙, 搽潤膚露



23:50 睡覺

星期一晚.......

20:00 離開公司



20:15 上巴士



21:00 下車, 買麵包, 買抽濕器, 提款, 逛零食店



21:30 洗碗, 燙衣服, 把一堆外套掛回衣櫃, 整理手袋



22:00 洗廁所, 洗浴缸, 洗澡



22:20 塗面霜, 剪腳甲



22:40 看True Blood, 搽潤膚露, 將洗乾淨的衣服收好



23:40 上網



00:15 刷牙, 將髒衣服放進洗衣機, 睡覺

時間

上星期有人問我，既然我 7 至 8 點可以下班，不用煮飯，又不喜歡看電視，那每晚的時間都用來做了什麼呢?



真是一個好問題。



我的時間到底去了哪裡呢?

弱水三千

主唱：麥浚龍

作曲：馮穎琪

填詞：林夕

編曲：張亞東

監製：Jerald．Juno





三千春江水　暫住寂寞天空

逛夠了世界　跌進了春風



＊ 活著自活著　萬象在逝水中暢泳

偶爾愛上過一些倒影

流言流成河流　流過幾道名勝

浪停下像拿著鏡　難辨舊日風景



山水非山水　凍了變雪堆

山水般山水　遇熱若霧水

混雜絕望後便是淚水　衍生出心碎

狂潯約花絮　再醉了愛再醉　會跌進漩渦太虛

擠於渠裡　浸於浴裡　同樣落自春水

汗滴在血海紅不紅　散聚後味道餘殘濃不濃



那是快感還是痛　深海裡永遠看不通

靜靜地浮游在清空　一轉身可以化進了杯中

口乾了便喝盡那密雲　像喝掉如夢如幻信不信



REPEAT ＊



三千春江水　暫住寂寞天空

逛夠了世界　跌進了春風

清水苦水一樣暫住半空

水清不起花　萬物靜默夾道

碎了這塊鏡　照見了洶湧　眉頭才震動



汗滴在血海紅不紅　散聚後味道餘殘濃不濃

那是快感還是痛　深海裡永遠看不通

靜靜地浮游在清空　一轉身可以化進了杯中

口乾了便喝盡那密雲　像喝掉如夢如幻信不信



水慢慢飄升於天空　水慢慢將萬物玩弄



活著若是夢　是夢蝶讓水色震動

撇夠了冷雨　得到升空

煮飯仔

上星期第一次去街市買菜。直到最近我才弄清唐生菜和西生菜的分別。



還有一球看來像西生菜，但看來比較厚和蒼白的，那是椰菜。



最後去了一間專賣有機菜的檔口買唐生菜。3 棵菜 $ 17.3 算不算貴? 我不知道。



聽朋友說洗生菜算是最簡單。



先浸十五分鐘，用水沖洗 。然後再將上述步驟重複。



洗菜的時侯，我發現了幾條蟲，慌張地打電話問工人菜還可不可以吃。



她說有幾條蟲是正常，又問我為什麼不叫她幫忙。



原來洗菜很累。逐條菜像洗碗一樣洗，一個下午等同洗了40多隻碗。

煮一餐飯，比行山跑步還累，簡直是劇烈運動。

無

沒有日出。



沒有日落。



一直，都只是黑夜。

聖誕咭

陸陸續續收到聖誕禮物，全都是同事送的。



比較意外、開心的，是收到兩張聖誕咭。



現在和朋友溝通不是用Facebook就是用講的，可能認識多年也不知道她/他的字跡。親手寫的，感覺上、份量上，始終有點不同。



忽然想起上次逛街見到不少精緻可愛的聖誕咭，很有衝動想買下來。



當然最後沒有買 - 因為我想不到送給誰，更不想送給自己。



那些聖誕咭的樣子我都不記得了。



還記得的，是當時想送、想收、再由熱鬧的商場忽然跳進一片荒蕪的感覺。

身後事

很久以前，爸爸已說過，他死了之後，不用為他立什麼墳。把他的骨灰撒向大海就可以了。

上次見面，他又舊事重提。

「你媽說其實不用撒向大海那麼麻煩。把骨灰倒進馬桶，還不是一樣。」

我一呆。然後忍不住大笑。

Jonathan Safran Foer's Eating Animals Turned Me Vegan



Natalie Portman

27 Oct 2009 7:30AM

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/natalie-portman/jonathan-safran-foers-iea_b_334407.html





Jonathan Safran Foer's book Eating Animals changed me from a twenty-year vegetarian to a vegan activist. I've always been shy about being critical of others' choices because I hate when people do that to me. I'm often interrogated about being vegetarian (e.g., "What if you find out that carrots feel pain, too? Then what'll you eat?").



I've also been afraid to feel as if I know better than someone else -- a historically dangerous stance (I'm often reminded that "Hitler was a vegetarian, too, you know"). But this book reminded me that some things are just wrong. Perhaps others disagree with me that animals have personalities, but the highly documented torture of animals is unacceptable, and the human cost Foer describes in his book, of which I was previously unaware, is universally compelling.



The human cost of factory farming -- both the compromised welfare of slaughterhouse workers and, even more, the environmental effects of the mass production of animals -- is staggering. Foer details the copious amounts of pig shit sprayed into the air that result in great spikes in human respiratory ailments, the development of new bacterial strains due to overuse of antibiotics on farmed animals, and the origins of the swine flu epidemic, whose story has gripped the nation, in factory farms.



I read the chapter on animal shit aloud to two friends -- one is from Iowa and has asthma and the other is a North Carolinian who couldn't eat fish from her local river because animal waste had been dumped in it as described in the book. They had never truly thought about the connection between their environmental conditions and their food. The story of the mass farming of animals had more impact on them when they realized it had ruined their own backyards.



But what Foer most bravely details is how eating animal pollutes not only our backyards, but also our beliefs. He reminds us that our food is symbolic of what we believe in, and that eating is how we demonstrate to ourselves and to others our beliefs: Catholics take communion -- in which food and drink represent body and blood. Jews use salty water on Passover to remind them of the slaves' bitter tears. And on Thanksgiving, Americans use succotash and slaughter to tell our own creation myth -- how the Pilgrims learned from Native Americans to harvest this land and make it their own.



And as we use food to impart our beliefs to our children, the point from which Foer lifts off, what stories do we want to tell our children through their food?



I remember in college, a professor asked our class to consider what our grandchildren would look back on as being backward behavior or thinking in our generation, the way we are shocked by the kind of misogyny, racism, and sexism we know was commonplace in our grandparents' world. He urged us to use this principle to examine the behaviors in our lives and our societies that we should be a part of changing. Factory farming of animals will be one of the things we look back on as a relic of a less-evolved age.



I say that Foer's ethical charge against animal eating is brave because not only is it unpopular, it has also been characterized as unmanly, inconsiderate, and juvenile. But he reminds us that being a man, and a human, takes more thought than just "This is tasty, and that's why I do it." He posits that consideration, as promoted by Michael Pollan in The Omnivore's Dilemma, which has more to do with being polite to your tablemates than sticking to your own ideals, would be absurd if applied to any other belief (e.g., I don't believe in rape, but if it's what it takes to please my dinner hosts, then so be it).



But Foer makes his most impactful gesture as a peacemaker, when he unites the two sides of the animal eating debate in their reasoning. Both sides argue: We are not them. Those who refrain from eating animals argue: We don't have to go through what they go through -- we are not them. We are capable of making distinctions between what to eat and what not to eat (Americans eat cow but not dog, Hindus eat chicken but not cow, etc.). We are capable of considering others' minds and others' pain. We are not them. Whereas those who justify eating animals say the same thing: We are not them. They do not merit the same value of being as us. They are not us.



And so Foer shows us, through Eating Animals, that we are all thinking along the same lines: We are not them. But, he urges, how will we define who we are?