愛上你等於愛上寂寞

只想再聽你說 你願意愛著我
直到地老天荒 下個世紀末
真的只想再聽你說 在你心中我算什麼
給我一個答案 算不算太過奢求
.............................................
才明白 愛上你 等於愛上了寂寞

I want to sleep now ah

Today is grey. A good weather for sleeping.
When I m falling asleep, I feel my body is like sinking to the bottom of the sea. The environment is very calm. When i reach the bottom of the sea....i sleep lor.

If

I dedicate this beautiful song to you. Who is "you"? The one who will call me, said "I love u" & sing this song to me after seeing this. The fonts also in your favorite yellow color ah. So dont complain if i dont have new post before Jan 31 :P

***********************************************************************************
If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show the you I've come to know.
If a face could launch a thousand ships, then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you, you're all that's left me too.
And when my love for life is running dry, you come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places at one time, I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today, beside you all the way.
If the world should stop revolving spinning slowly down to die
I'd spend the end with you, and when the world was through
Then one by one the stars would all go out, then you and I would simply fly away
***********************************************************************************

Closer III

Some thoughts about 'CLOSER"............

(1) "Intimacy is a lie we tell ourselves; Truth is the game we play to win"
When we fall into someone, we always want to be very intimate with him. Intimacy = Telling truth?
However, some "truth" should never be exposed bcos people can hardly accept it, e.g. betrayal. We would be in a situation that the more u know, the more ur away from initmacy. Anna & Alice tell the truth, Dan cant accept it so their relationship end. In a relationship, it's most likely that we have to sacrifice part of ourselves, so we always face 2 dilemmas : Stop doing things that possibly hurting ur lover / do the things u want even it will upset ur lover & u cover the fact with lies.

(2) By the way, being faithful is hard, as there are so many temptations around. You can reject the 1st doesnt mean that you can reject the 2nd, 3th, 4th....... Moreover, being faithful doesnt mean u wont get hurt. And what is faithful? Dan is faithful to his heart, he loves Alice & loves Anna, end up he's hurting both and bcom a loser. Alice is faithful to her heart, faithful to her relationship with Dan (In my point of view, not in love or having sex w/ other men while she's with Dan), she's getting hurt too.

(3) "You love me, but you bored with me" "Where's this love? I cant see it, I cant touch it, I cant feel it, I can hear it, I can hear some words. But i cant do anything with your easy words"
It's sad that love is difficult to last. Love & relationships can be separate things. May be ur maintaining ur relationship w/ ur bf, husband, but the love was gone after sometime.

I like movies talking about love & relations. Bcos i m involved and sometimes i will get lost & confused. I hope i could find anwsers in CLOSER. But they give me more questions and i still have to find the answers myself.

Closer II

I have been expecting "CLOSER" for a long time and glad to find that it's what i expected. It talked about the relationship of 2 couples and over the movie only 4 people (Alice, Dan, Anna & Larry) are talking. The dialogue is very impressive; Quite funny in the beginning, getting more intense & powerful afterwards.

I m more identify myself with Alice. Her love to Dan is very true & direct, in a way she said she wont leave him as long as she loves him. She feels she doesnt love Dan anymore after he keeps asking if she had sex with Larry....that she thinks it's not her fault. She can forgive Dan's affair with Anna, but why he cant forgive her for having sex only once w/ Larry during the time he's with Anna.To some extent, i find myself in Anna's character too. She choose the one who love her most bcos of security.

Dan & Larry are not very lovable, so as Alice & Anna. So as me. May be that's why i like this movie.........it's inspiring, it's true...it hurts too.

征服

終於你找到一個方式分出了勝負
輸贏的代價是彼此粉身碎骨
外表健康的你心裡傷痕無數
頑強的我是這場戰役的俘虜

就這樣被你征服 切斷了所有退路
我的心情是堅固 我的決定是糊塗
就這樣被你征服 喝下你藏好的毒
我的劇情已落幕 我的愛恨已入土

終於我明白倆人要的是一個結束
所有的辯解都讓對方以為是企圖
放一把火燒掉你送我的禮物
卻澆不熄我胸口灼熱的憤怒

你如果經過我的墳墓你可以雙手合十為我祝福

Lunch at TST

This afternoon, suddenly have the "desire" to eat cheese noodles in TST. So i took MTR from Admiralty to TST. When i passed by the convenience store, i suddenly want to read books, so i buy the new book of 亦舒.

Once my friend knows that i will go to TST for lunch occasionally, she thinks i m crazy....it's not worth to spend extra $20 on MTR for just a lunch.

But my thought is, i want to do this at that moment, and it's sth i can afford, why dont i just go & achieve it? During this 1 hour, i m very happy, eating my favorite food, reading my favorite book, the happiness cannot be calculated.

Life has too many uncertainties beyond my control. As long as i can choose, and i have the ability, i shall make myself happy.

SEIZE THE DAY. Seize this minute. You dont know what would happen next.

My 17

My 17, was the season of love. He is the main character and everything in my 17.

This is not really a story....i just remember some fragmented scenes. When u think back, it's like watching snap shot photos or postcards.

We never know each other. We never kissed. The only "contact" we had, was he picked up the basketball for me. May be he has hit my shoulder by accident in the staircase behind the stage, while they finished their show and it's our turn to play the drama. But the environment is too dark....i dont know.

However, he appeared in one of my photo. I took photos with our teacher, he's at the back, looking to our direction, so he's in the picture too. He may never know that. But i keep the photo and the secret.

I never tell him that i love him. He is a distance dream that never realize, well, I dont mind it stays as a dream forever; dream is always more beautiful than the reality.

Before Sunrise + Dead Poets Society + After 17

Recently i have been reading & watching a lot. I watched Before Sunrise on Tue, heard Cheer's "After 17" & finished Slam Dunk yesterday, read Dead Poets Society today.

I see a young Ethan Hawke in DPS & a mature him in Before Sunrise. I should finish the "Before Sunset" soon to see the more mature him. It's weird but funny....like i see him grow up in a week. The students in Dead Poets Society are 17, Cheer's song also talking about 17.....they have related theme but they give me totally different feelings. These stuff inspired me a lot, I can feel sth waked up in my heart.......... i can understand how u feel at that time.

Dead Poets Society. Everything happended in a traditional school. The teachers want student to respect tradition, why they are doing that? I think bcos they want to control them easily. They push students to achieve academic excellency by pressure, they think being success should be the one & only goal in their life. Until a teacher came (Robin Williams). He's not only teaching the students, he's also teaching me, about something u know, but u never relate to yourself....or u have totally forgotten about it......seize the day, see things in different angles, live with passion, having dreams, love yourself, be confident about yourself. I havent finished the movie yet, bcos it's time for me to do the vacuum cleaning, tidy up the dry clothes and have a shower. Have to step out from movie to reality :)

Ube

I like ube ice cream. But i wont eat ube.

To see the world in a grain of sand

This is where my blog name from, a poem from William Blake.

To see the world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour

This is simple, but very beautiful, right?

小飛俠

I like songs talking about seasons. My Singaporean friends told me that she envy us having 4 seasons in a year. But my mom always wants me to live in Singapore, she thinks my allegic nose and skin will recover if i live in tropical areas with only 1 season.

小飛俠
從前有個男孩夜裡說想約我於森林見面
原訂說愛談情卻碰巧天氣轉差颳風閃電
然後對話似被風雨間斷 被雨打濕了的手只懂抖顫
難道你是仙子 與我不相襯 累你受盡天譴

陪你活過一天 陪你坐過飛氈
陪你令我輕鬆也令我極度心思紊亂
亂唱的歌也覺悅耳 亂拍的拖我也願試
害怕這樣會很留戀
陪你渡過春天 陪你渡過秋天
陪你直到冬天卻怕與你沒法一起蛻變
若然開始 怎樣可免悲劇上演

凌晨與你細語詳談說起世間的感情幼嫩
然而我卻抬頭看滿天星宿沉默用心許願
流露傷感的眼只怕對望
(流露傷感的你只顧遠望)
害怕有天我將會飛得很遠
(在說有天你將會飛得很遠)
難道在你孤單困惱寂寞時
我再飛返你身邊
(你會飛返我身邊)

陪你活過這天 無法坐上飛氈
情況令我心酸 也令我極度思想錯亂
亂了的黑髮似為了 為了遮掩眼角淚濕了
結果證實我很留戀
陪你渡過春天 陪你渡過秋天
難過度到冬天你我到最後說不出再見
從頭開始 假若知道悲劇要演
我就不應抱怨 能回味也是暖

數到三就不哭

This is one of the K-song i love very much. Normally, i cant stop crying after i count to 3. I will tell myself that tomorrow will be ok.

<數到三就不哭>........ 陳慧琳
作詞：易家揚　
作曲：Kim Seon-Min/Kim Eui-Seok

我會記住　我們擁抱的溫度
我會守護　我們回憶的拼圖
愛情是長長的旅途　是你給我第一步
我彈不出　沒有明天的音符

我迷了路　走進往事的地圖
快樂是上天的禮物　眼淚是愛的紀錄
我想了又想　卻不太清楚　怎麼踏出下一步

Missing　you　我會倒數　數到三就不哭
就在這一夜　讓愛結束　帶走我給你的祝福
我不哭　我永遠會記住　我們的愛情路
我帶著你的愛　一步又一步　慢慢走向遠處

我不管這個世界多冷酷　時間是我的催眠術　
我忘記　你給的幸福

試著瞭解

First time listened to this song I was around 18. I didnt have any lover at that time, but i can feel the sadness.

<試著瞭解> 萬芳

最近常無言相對 彼此安靜電話兩邊
思緒飛啊飛啊飛到從前 你我初識熟絡季節
常聊啊聊啊聊到深夜 怎麼說也不覺累
是不是每個愛情都會走到很難交流的局面
別人又是如何如何面對 力不從心這種感覺
我不願自言自語自憐 給自己理由後悔
你的世界若不要我陪 告訴我 我試著瞭解
最怕寂寞子夜 我想到我們之間 遲遲無法入睡
我的傷悲若你不想隨 告訴我 我試著瞭解
最怕愛到落空 換來了一身傷悲
在你面前 你視而不見
為什麼所有溫柔心事 你不願意 去試著瞭解

Before Sunrise

Watched "Before Sunrise" this morning, finally. When i watched it at ur home last time, i m not so sure that i will put it as one of my favorite as u do. Love is sth cannot force or stop. I m not going to please u by saying that i love the movie.

I read ur old diary, found that u wrote a bit on this movie. I m not writing a review, i m not good at it, analyse the movie like doctor examining a patient. I review it with my feeling, so i m just writing a few of my thoughts.

The story, u can say it simple in the surface. Low budget, no fighting, no ghosts, no complicated story (Vs Death Note). Bcos it's just about 2 people met on the train, the girl get off the train with the guy, they keep walking, talking, sharing. They only have one nite and they decide to meet again after 6 months.

To me, the story itself is very romantic, very extraordinary. Every sentence worths u to rethink. When i m watching, i dont feel that i m the audience, their acting is very natural, sometimes i project myself to celine, sometimes to jesse, i m talking and thinking like them.

Talking about romance ( something i m seeking for my whole life), i think it is a passionate feeling happens when there's chemistry between 2 people. It's definitely related to love. May be love is the noun / verb, romantic is the adjective. U have to use ur heart to feel, candle light dinner, flowers, dance in the moonlight........ wont help. U come to see me lunch time, just 10 mins. We stand on the same place, i look at you, play with ur clothes, talk about sth not really important. I think it's already romantic, bcos i can feel that i love u very much, and i feel the same from you. I wont feel the same if someone else doing the same thing with me. This is feeling is only unique to you and me.

i really have to go to see doctor now, to be continued.

Tears

Tears, my old friend, see u today again.

安靜

只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天 睡著的大提琴 安靜的舊舊的 我想你已表現的非常明白 我懂我也知道 你沒有捨不得 你說你也會難過我不相信 牽著你陪著我 也只是曾經 希望他是真的比我還要愛你 我才會逼自己離開 你要我說多難堪 我根本不想分開 為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過 我沒有這種天份 包容你也接受他 不用擔心的太多 我會一直好好過 你已經遠遠離開 我也會慢慢走開 為什麼我連分開都遷就著你 我真的沒有天份 安靜的沒這麼快 我會學著放棄你 是因為我太愛你

Diary

Yesterday went to Mong Kok for K-lunch, find that 古巨基 has moved to 001 for song search in the male singer list. Bcos he won many prizes this year? Watched "National Treasure" after the K-lunch, fell asleep in the beginning, i m too tired la, may be i read too much SLAM DUNK.

Surprised to find many people sharing their internet diaries to friends. To me, diary is a private place to release, write down my every thought without being seen by people i know. Actually i wrote diary since i m 12, thought of giving up bcos i discovered that my parents read it when i m 18 (My father asked why i didnt write him in the diary; Why i love my classmate, i should not do that bcos it will adversely affect my studies).

Anyway, i m not going to let my friends know.

梁靜茹 -- 給從前的愛

While i m thinking what to write, i read the lyrics below from someone's diary. I have heard the song, but dont have time to pay attention to the lyrics. It's good.

你語氣是輕的　但意思我懂得
你轉身　 雨季就來臨　有什麼　洗不乾淨
對你是對的　再犧牲　到底不值得
趁現在　友好的分開　總是好的

為何有了勇氣還是不夠 握緊的還是都放了手
摩擦裡　一點點　一些些　消失了相愛的理由
也取笑過他們　為何愛　不持久這一刻　我才曉得　忘記比思念長久
我一個人走　自由了　但要往哪走我相信　你人是好的　但那愛呢

為何有了勇氣還是不夠 握緊的還是都放了手
摩擦裡　 一點點　一些些　消失了相愛的理由
為何有了愛卻還是不夠 到了手還是都鬆了手
生活裡　一點點　一天天　沒發現牽手變對手

難道壓力在推　我和你才扣緊手臂
抵抗後疲憊　反而後悔

我很好

I dislike Gi Gi Leung. But i will like her songs if there are good ones. I cried when i heard this song. This is me, pretend i was fine when i hurt. Every one think that i m ok, i m so 堅強. When i think i have recovered, i find the wound is still bleeding.

<我很好>

在我心裡你像一座城堡 你把我保護得很好
你走的那天除了多一個擁抱 沒有任何徵兆
你說愛一個人沒有解藥 只能靜靜陪我到老
我無法將你說話的樣子忘掉 愛你讓我好驕傲
我以為我會很好 看見每個人都微笑
我的心在哭誰知道 沒有你我好不了
告訴你我真的很好 愛像打翻的顏料
悲傷的顏色 在臉上只有你才看得到

Slam Dunk

I m so productive now....almost posting every day :P

I m re-reading the comic - Slam Dunk (男兒當入蹲). I played basketball before (Although not very professional), it's the only kind of team sport i like. After reading, i feel want to play basketball again, i want to do "Slam Dunk" at least once in my life ah.... (with high chair)

What character i love most?

櫻 木 花 道 - very funny, he's a genius, of cos
流 川 楓 - he's cool. I think Jay Chow looks like him.

牧 紳 一 i like him before, very man & powerful, looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger. (I really like Arnold before ga)
花 形 透 - again, i like him before, bcos he wears glass and he looks like a bad man

Wondering anyone like 大猩猩?

CLOSER

From the trailer of "CLOSER". I love every sentence. I think i will love the movie too.

Love is an accident waiting to happen
Desire is a stranger you think you know
Intimacy is a lie we tell ourselves
Truth is a game you play to win
If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking

http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/closer/

Bad Dreams

I had 2 bad dreams yesterday.

1st:
I know ur gf, we bcom friends. And one day u marry her. I attend your wedding, seeing u walking further and further away from me. Then i wake up. It's 3:50a.m.

2nd:
He's my husband's freiend. I think it happened in the park, he touched me from behind, my hair, down to my breasts, my waist...he said he wanted me next to my ear. And then i saw my husband coming. He didnt discover that. This is totally scary, my husband coming is not the point, the point is i have reaction to what he said in my dream. I dont have any good feeling on him (although i dont hate him) and he's never in my sex fantasy. I dont have any feeling change after i dreamt him, except feeling embarrassed.

Anyway, i always prefer having bad dreams more than sweet dreams. Wake up from a sweet dream is more painful than wake up from bad dreams :P

There's one thing i realize recently, i start to love writing diaries. I feel better after i write down my thoughts. It's like, u throw sth out, put sth down, and ur mind bcom less heavy.

浪子

Men like to think they are 浪子. After showing 2046, i heard more men claimed that they look like "Tony Leung".

I think 浪子 is someone who like to travel around, experience different lifes, like adventures. He just cannot settle down. He needs lots of freedom. He has the charisma to attract woman, even he just stand here, look at you. May be he has a sad history.

A man who is irresponsible, play woman around is not 浪子. He is PLAYBOY.

In my life, i met playboys, but never met 浪子.

分手快樂

我無法幫你預言 委曲求全有沒有用 可是我多麼不捨 朋友愛的那麼苦痛 愛可以不問對錯 至少有喜悅感動 如果他總為別人撐傘 你何苦非為他等在雨中 泡咖啡讓你暖手 想擋擋你心口裡的風 你卻想上街走走 吹吹冷風會清醒的多 你說你不怕分手 只有一點遺憾難過 情人節就要來了 剩自己一個 其實愛對了人 情人節每天都過 分手快樂 祝你快樂 你可以找到更好的 不想過冬 厭倦沉重 就飛去熱帶的島嶼游泳 分手快樂 請你快樂 揮別錯的才能和對的相逢 離開舊愛 像坐慢車 看透徹了心就會是晴朗的 沒人能把誰的幸福沒收 你發誓你會活的有笑容 你自信時候真的美多了

This is one of my favorite K-song. Forget to put it on the 2004 favorite list.

Iris is a very suitable for this song, but i dont want to sing to her, i give up her and dont want to talk to her lately.....bored of saying the same thing and didnt see any improvements.

But I can sing to myself if i break up w/ him. I always believe i m the only person who can help myself.

Year 2004 Conclusion

Instead of saying best movie/book/music of the year....i use the word "favorite". I know they are not the best, but i personally love them.

Favorite movie:
Bad education (I watched many good movies.....but i can only think of this movie at that moment)

Favorite songs:
旅行的意義
可惜我是水瓶座
夏天的風
早晨
(I love all the lines of the lyrics, i love the melody...and there are some unforgettable memories attach to these songs)

Favorite K-song:
多得他

(the songs i like to sing are quite different from the songs i love to hear. What k-songs are qualified to be my favorite? Must be songs that i like, a bit difficult to sing but i can handle very well.)

Favorite book:
..........................................
(I read more comics than books this year.....cant think of any.)

Favorite comic:
尋秦記
Death Note

Favorite sentence:
Memories are full of tears.....(From movie 2046)

Favorite food:
Hagan Daz - Strawberry ice cream
Coconut sweet soup
Potato Chips (it's one of the top three for every year!!!)

The most important & unforgettable incident:
I love u, but i married to someone else